A Table Read Recording: N.W.A by Luke Alexander

N.W.A

The neighbourhood watch of Bognor Regis, led by Clive, are investigating a report of underwear being stolen from washing lines. They welcome a new recruit to the association, Nikita, only to discover she isn’t what they expected; for starters, she’s a girl. All seems routine during the stakeout; not much happening, some petty arguments, and general ego thrusting. However, as one of the residents returns home across the street, it becomes apparent something isn’t right.

The resident, Mr Stott, disappears soon after being spotted, only to reemerge pointing a gun at Clive and Nikita. This results in them being taken hostage in Mr Stott’s home who reveals he’s been murdering residents of Bognor Regis in order to create a mystery that could lure tourists to Bognor Regis for something other than Butlins. Mr Stott also reveals his hand in the disappearance of Clive’s mother and the story takes a turn for the worst.

As Clive and Nikita sit awaiting their death, they’re joined by Giles, the final member of the N.W.A who had previously stormed off due to some tension in the group; mostly because he didn’t have a gun and there really wasn’t much he could do about it. 

The group, with the help of the element of surprise (not an element they’re particularly familiar with due to their incompetence), manages to overpower Mr Stott and take him hostage. As the evening progresses it becomes clear Giles has no stomach for murder (he’s worried they might not let him into university if he’s done a murder) and Clive is very much out for revenge, something Nikita is all for.

Police sirens approach from the distance and a decision must be made. Clive banishes the other two from the scene, knowing only one of them has to take the fall. Mr Stott offers Clive a way out of this mess; a solution that means no risk of jail time for Clive. However, Clive’s whole purpose is to make Bognor Regis a safer place and so, he shoots Mr Stott in the face because he’ll be damned if someone tells him what to do.

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